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Before I started blogging, I began an instagram account to post pics of my food. Follow me for regular updates. Click the photo to access my IG account.
I feel like a psychological mess. I haven’t been eating well. I haven’t been taking care of my body. Sure, I wear makeup, dress nicely and shave my legs. But I don’t take care of the inside. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I think about restarting my diet every day. Getting back on plan and finally getting my life together. But at the end of my thought process my conclusion is always “eh, I’m just going to fail anyway, why bother?” I HATE that I think this way.
I go through waves of depression. The fog lifts for a few weeks, I am inspired and I am getting in control of things… Then it slowly creeps back in… That big ugly cloud that follows me around and calls me a failure and a loser. I try my best to silence those thoughts by distracting myself with hobbies. For instance photography. Photography gives me something to do so that I don’t have to face my real problems. I’ll just go outside and take some pictures of birds.
I considered going back to my psych but he’s only there to give me pills and the ssri meds I’ve tried all give me dizzy spells. I hate being dizzy. I already have inner ear problems.
I hate to be a Debbie downer but fuck it. This is my blog and I will rant if I want to. I don’t have a lot of friends and the few I do have I don’t want to bother them with this stuff. No one wants to be around the depressed fat girl. They like the bubbly funny fat girl though. I’m so tired of faking it.
I wonder if there is such thing as a functioning depressed person because that’s what I am. My life is one big charade. I don’t know what to do to get out of this cycle of unhappiness. I think about my issues and I know they stem from a lifetime of bullying and feeling inferior because of my weight but I can’t seem to get started again. Not even a trip to Sweden next month motivated me to get off my ass. I’ve been eating more. I weighed 253 today. 😣😣😣
I am 31 years old. What am I doing with my life. Why can’t I get it together? Why isn’t being happy and healthy a priority for me? How do I get out of this rut. I lost my passion for cooking and I’m so afraid to go to my gym that I won’t even take my ass there to cancel my membership.
Sigh. I guess I just need to take this one day at a time. My weight is overwhelming. PCOS makes me feel like I am swimming against the current. My metabolism is fucked.
I know I need to help myself. Knowing and doing are two different things. I am going to go back on metformin tomorrow. I hope I don’t shit my pants at work. 💩
So I got my labs back! Surprising results, sort of.
Cortisol, TSH, Free T4, B12 were all normal. Hemoglobin A1c was just over the normal range. Doctor has prescribed Metformin XR at 500mg, then 1000 mg to start with.
Since TSH and T4 don’t always reveal hypothyroidism or problems converting T4 into T3, I decided to order some labs on my own. I ordered Free T3, and Reverse T3, along with a complete lipid panel (because it was only $19). Heading to the lab tomorrow morning, fasted, to get my blood drawn again.
Depending on how the T3 comes back, and if the hypothyroid symptoms continue, I will be seeing an endocrinologist for further care.
I test my blood sugar at home, and I was a little surprised to see the A1c was high, considering my fasting blood glucose has been about 79. I am a geek though, and I like to know what’s happening in my body, so I am going to start keeping a blood glucose level journal. I will test fasting, and one, two and three hours after a meal. I will do this every couple days because the strips are expensive without a script! I will also continue to keep a detailed food diary and exercise journal. Someone mentioned earlier that my diet appears too high in protien, but looking back at my food diary, my protien was about 60-80 grams per day, with my macros looking like 60-70% fats, 10% carbs, and 20-30% protien.
So I pick up my metformin this evening from the pharmacy. Honestly I am quite nervous about trying it again. The last time (some years ago) I had really bad GI upset with it. Hopefully since I am trying the Extended Release version this time things will go better.
I will be meal prepping this weekend and posting photos later.
Thanks for reading!
So I fell off the blogging bandwagon, but I have continued to post food on Instagram, although not as frequently as I had planned to. I’ve had some challenges with my diet. The biggest challenge being, I didn’t lose weight. So I changed course about a month ago, and through a lot of research I determined that I would tweak my low carb approach to follow more of a calorie controlled low-carb paleo program. Here are my rules:
After weeks of doing this, and expecting a reasonable weight loss considering I have 100 lbs (45kg) to lose, I have come to the conclusion that something is wrong with my metabolism. I have only lost three pounds (1.36 kg). Considering water weight and such, it may not even be three pounds of fat. I have also been checking my blood sugar religiously, and it’s rarely over 100, so I don’t think insulin resistance is at play here. Therefore I have decided that a medical intervention is necessary to find out what is going on. On Wednesday of this week, I will be visiting with my doctor so that she can check out my thyroid function. I don’t want to be sick, but I hope that she finds something so that I can finally have an answer as to what is going on. It’s really frustrating knowing that you are doing everything you can possibly do to get excess weight off and yet the scale is not moving. Not to mention being so tired that you need at least 9-10 hours of sleep to feel somewhat rested, chronic mental fog, thin nails and dry skin too.
I will update the blog once I have met with the doc. Fingers crossed!!
This is how I prepare my spaghetti squash:
1) Cut squash in half lengthwise.
2) With a spoon, scoop out the seeds and netting. Lightly salt.
3) Place squash cut-side down on a flat bottomed microwaveable glass dish. Fill the dish with 1/2 inch of water.
4) Microwave the squash for 9 minutes.
5) Gently lift squash out of the dish (be careful with the steam, use oven mitts to protect your hands). With a fork, gently start scraping the inside of the squash and you will see how easily the “noodles” come out. You can scrape it all the way down to the skin.
6) Serve with your favorite sauce.
For this meal on the right, I put the spaghetti squash in a pan with a little bit of cream cheese, some fresh shredded parmesan, a spoonful of feta cheese, salt, pepper, oregano and garlic powder. Then I topped it with pan-cooked diced chicken breast. It was delicious!!!
Cheesecake is probably one of the best types of desserts to modify for low carb because the only ingredient in the filling that needs to be modified is the sugar itself. I searched long and hard for a low carb cheesecake recipe and my searches came up short. I wanted a cake that was creamy, rich, and didn’t taste low carb. I found the best cheesecake recipe I could, and found a separate recipe for a low carb crust.
Since Elise’s recipe is not low carb, I modified it. Here’s the complete modified recipe:
1) Crush pecans in a Ziploc bag as finely as possible
2) Melt 4 tbsp butter in a small saucepan
3) Add 2tbsp Splenda to the saucepan and combine
4) Add the nuts and flour to the saucepan and combine
5) Cook it over medium heat long enough for everything to combine and warm up (couple minutes)
6) Grease your 9” springform pan and put the crust in it
7) Spread the crust around and pack it down (on the bottom only)
8) Put springform pan in the oven at 400 degrees for a few minutes to brown the crust (7-10 min)
1) Prepare the springform pan so that no water leaks into it while cooking by carefully wrapping the outside of it in aluminum foil, being careful not to tear the foil and making sure it covers the walls of the pan.
2) Cut the cream cheese into chunks and place in the bowl of an electric mixer, with the paddle attachment. Mix on medium speed for 4 minutes until smooth, soft and creamy.
3) Add the sugar and Splenda mixture, beat for 4 minutes more.
4) Add the pinch of salt and 2 tsp vanilla, beating after each addition.
5) Add the 4 eggs, one at a time, beating for one minute after each addition.
6) Add the 2/3 cup sour cream, beat until incorporated.
7) Add the 2/3 cup heavy cream, beat until incorporated. Remember to scrape down the sides of the mixer bowl, and scrape up any thicker bits of cream cheese that have stuck to the bottom of the mixer that paddle attachment has failed to incorporate.
8) Place the foil-wrapped springform pan in a large, high-sided roasting pan. Prepare 8 cups of boiling water. Pour the cake filling into the springform pan, over the crust. Smooth the top with a rubber spatula. Put the springform pan inside the roasting pan now filled with the boiling water. Cook at 350°F for 1 1/2 hours. Leave in oven with door open for 1 hour. Chill for 4+ hours in the refrigerator.
Low Carb Cheesecake <<<Downloadable Recipe (Microsoft Word .docx file)
If you like something extra, serve it alongside some berries and full fat whipped cream.
Here’s how I made it:
I try to incorporate coconut oil in my cooking daily. So I melted 1 tablespoon of coconut oil in my wok. For the meat, I put one pound of 80/20 ground beef in the wok with about a tablespoon or two of Worcestershire, a handful of diced yellow onion, and half a packet of Trader Joe’s taco seasoning. I also added a little squirt of gluten free soy sauce. I browned the meat on med-high heat, continuously breaking it up with flat wooden spoon until it’s done and the onions are translucent.
For the lettuce, I used hydroponic bibb lettuce. Wash and dry whole leaves. Lay them out on a dish and put some ground beef on top. For my garnishes, I used cheddar cheese, a small dollop of full fat sour cream, a drizzle of Bolthouse Farms Salsa Ranch dressing, and fresh chopped cilantro. Avocado would have been perfect but the only one I had was rotten. Booo!!!
Salmon is one of the most nourishing and delicious foods. I love the flavor of fatty fish. This fresh fillet I purchased at my local Fresh Market store. The store marinates it in Bourbon seasoning. I love these because they are not breaded or crusted yet they are full of flavor. I drizzled it with some olive oil and baked it at 350 in my toaster oven for about 10-15 minutes until I felt it was done. Exact cooking times vary depending on the thickness of the fillet. I found a nice recipe online for a bourbon marinade. I would do 1/2 brown sugar 1/2 Splenda though to cut the carbs.
Fresh asparagus is always a tasty accompaniment. To keep them lasting longer, cut the bottom of the stems off by about 1/2 to 1 inch, and stand them upright in a mason jar with water. Loosely place a sandwich bag over the top of the spears and keep in the fridge. Change the water if it gets cloudy. Herbs like cilantro also store well using this technique.
To cook the asparagus, I melted some Kerrygold butter in a saute pan on medium heat, added minced garlic, the asparagus spears, and sprinkled fresh black pepper and sea salt on top. I turned the spears a couple times to make sure they were evenly coated in butter and cooking evenly, and put the lid on the pan to create a slight steaming effect. I kept the heat on medium for no more than 5 minutes, then moved the pan off the heat but kept the lid on for a couple more minutes. Just watch the garlic to make sure it doesn’t burn. I have an electric stove (boooo!) so your cooking times may very if you have a gas cook top. Note to self: next house I buy must have gas.
Parmesan is great with asparagus, so take a vegetable peeler and your block of parm and go to town. The peeler is perfect for shaving the Parmesan into flat little sheets.
One of the keys to success on a modified diet plan is being able to quickly prepare a meal without a lot of fuss. Because one of the staples of my diet is eggs, I decided to invest an Egg Genie. It’s an ‘as-seen-on-tv’ kitchen gadget that steams eggs in a very short amount of time. Perfect for us folks who are too lazy to boil a pot of water. :) I bought it for about $15 at Wal-Mart.
This is a lunch I prepared with the Egg Genie. Two eggs, cooked medium, a Laughing Cow swiss cheese wedge, 4 thin pan-cooked slices of Spam, and sliced tomato. Quick, easy and savory. Spam is hardly a diet food, and I eat it very sparingly – but it tastes great alongside eggs. It also keeps in the pantry without refrigeration. Beware though that it does have a high sodium content, so make sure you drink plenty of water when eating it. Here’s an article about why Spam unfairly gets a bad rap.
Next time you prepare your grocery list, consider buying single-serve cheeses, lots of eggs, veggies that taste great raw, and if you’re brave maybe a can or two of Spam.
About a week ago, my bestie invited me out to brunch with her at Egg Harbor Café. Brunches and breakfasts are always a tricky area because of all the temptations. Muffins, biscuits, oatmeal, grits (hey – I live in Georgia), hash browns, etc. It’s all delicious and I can’t have it. What I did have though was the *most delicious* brunch I have enjoyed in a while. Lobster and chive egg scramble topped with hollandaise sauce. This dish originally comes with a side of hash browns and a biscuit (yikes!) but I kindly asked the waitress if they could serve me a side of veggies instead of potatoes and leave off the biscuit. Success! If you have an Egg Harbor Café in your town I strongly suggest you visit.